Day 1: 01-14-2026
9:30 am :
Woke up to the faint rumbling of a phone trapped between a mattress and a wall mixing with the sounds of children losing all the sense once contained in their beautiful tiny minds. 9:30. Awesome, I overslept. “This is a good start” I sarcastically tell myself, only slightly amused. Once again annoyed with my own lack of getty up and go go power. We shall see what the day brings.
11:27 am :
Right now I am in the process of obtaining my Part 107 license from the FAA. Fancy way of saying I'm learning how to legally operate drones. With this endeavor comes way more studying than anticipated, I mean no one really set the expectations low so I'm unsure of why it surprises me but man… who knew colors on maps could be so important?
In this study I have not had much time to dwell on being hungry but I am beginning to feel the rumbling of a hungry tummy.
Perhaps I should pray anyway.
God, as this morning draws to a close I say thank you and bring you praises for all you have done for my life. You have blessed me with health, love, and a peace I do not deserve. You have given me family, home, work, and grace. You have shown me how to be a better steward to my blessings and to be more appreciative of the things entrusted to me. I pray that today you bring me reminders of the blessings I forget or overlook. I pray that in these reminders I am shown deeper and even more meaning in our connection. Christ wash over me and allow me to feel you near. Spirit fill me and allow me to notice what was once hidden from myself. In your Holy name Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.
12:10pm :
My office door flung open and the giggles of toddlers were chased in by my twins. The laughter and squeaks made by small children where they shouldn't be filled the room but along with these noises also came an interloper. The smell of chicken frying. Sizzling noises barely registering below the shouting. My mouth begins to water. What I find strange is on any other day that I forget to eat or simply put energy drinks in my gut, I am not hungry by this time. I do think that it has something to do with the mental aspect of purposeful deprivation of nutrients typically readily available. The fact I said I wont makes me want to more. That conundrum is quite familiar to me.
Looking at this through the lenses of addiction it makes sense. It is very similar to when I have tried to stop substances in the past. Where your heart is so made up on stopping yet your mind and flesh scream out for its displeasure to end. Can't say that it is to that exact point yet however the feeling is familiar and similarly felt.
God, my mind is so slow to follow the spirit. Its processing is too slow at times to keep up with the ever changing heart. May this time be spent bridging the gap. I no longer want to be the type that prays one thing yet does another. I don't want to be of hypocritical thought and undesirable actions. Amen.
4:04 pm:
For those of you that weren't aware babies poop. A lot. With 3 still not potty trained we find ourselves on diaper runs pretty regularly. Today was no different it came with its own diaper run but instead of giving my money to a store that for some reason has dollar in its name, my family had some diapers for us to pick up. So I headed south to my Aunt and my grandmother's houses to pick up the gifts they supplied my babies with. The amount of pee these things can hold doesn't really make sense.
The drive was as uneventful as it was long. I suppose any straight interstate drive is like that. It did allow for some reflection. Thoughts of the family I once disappointed repeatedly now helping support my kids just because they love them. The amount of damage that was done yet it wasn't enough for God to lead to where we are now. I've asked for healing and relationships to be what they once were and I have not gotten that. The answered prayer I did receive has been much better. With some conversation and thought I've come to realize I, as I often do, asked the wrong question. I wanted the wrong thing. My relationships were never supposed to be as dysfunctional as they were so why would I ask for those same relationships back? Why would I ask my Father who has what is best for all in mind for something mediocre? It wasn't that I want the old back, it's that I want the new to be different, to be better. I want to be better for them. I want to love them properly.
6:54 pm
I feel the hunger and I can honestly say I have never noticed as many panda express locations as I have this afternoon. What I've noticed though isn't how hungry I am but how little I know about what Jesus means by man does not get fed by bread alone. I decided to test this as I went through my day. Any time my stomach would protest I would pray. Surprisingly it helped every time.
8:30 pm:
We got the kids to bed and I had some spinach, broccoli, a few olives, an apple, and some grapes. Can't remember the last time raw broccoli tasted that great. I would like to point out now that there was something noteworthy as far as my own attitude is concerned. I expected to be angrier or more perturbed throughout today but I have instead had a sense of peace and calm that is not typical for me. I'm typically cruising somewhere around the altitude of over-stimulated to highly irritated. Is this what people feel when they walk with the Lord always?