01-17-2026 Fast is Over?
Saturday Morning: Is it normal to feel like you're not supposed to stop and fast when you thought you were? A part of me wants food that isn't green but there is also a part of me that doesn't want to eat even still. This process has been an undertaking to get closer to God. So I guess the best question to ask is did it?
I believe it has. I believe God has come closer to me in the past three days. I realize not everyone that reads these words will be a believer, some may be believers but never fast, some others may be both believers and they put fasting into practice. The later group will know it's true, the other two may need convincing. Unfortunately, for them, I can not prove it.
I alone do not have the ability to prove the outcome of fasting but I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit we can all prove it to ourselves. I think as often as it is mentioned in the Bible, as many examples of the exercise we are able to see that it was intended for all of us to fast.
I don't think I have the vocabulary sufficient enough to convince you of anything yet I hope you decide to try it yourself. Praying to God to see what He wants to move in your life.
Heavenly Father I believe you have had me do this exercise with others in mind along with myself. I believe you showed me a deeper connection to you so I could show it to others as well. I never fasted or understood the purpose and God over the last three days you have shown up for my family and I. You have allowed me to grow closer to you and for this gift I am most thankful. God through my fast I have seen movements in my spirit, in my heart and in my mind. Everything you said would happen, did. Every pain is a reminder to turn towards you and away from the temporary fixes. God you have put it in my heart to help those like me, I hope this does God. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice for my life and thank you for advocating to the father on my behalf. Spirit thank you for allowing me to hear and feel them both moving in and around me. God I want more of you than ever before. I pray you rain down your blessing on everyone that reads this and you guide them into your love how only you know how. Amen.
2:13pm :
Doubts. I think for most doubt is almost the normal default reaction to most things we hear about in the spiritual realm. I think some of these doubts serve a purpose but what about the doubts of the antichrist? What about those adjusted doubts that go directly against your word? I feel these have often plagued my past. I place truth into false beliefs placed by the enemy and turn my heart from your ways for me God. Why is doubt so strong? Doubt no doubt destroys.
When I decide that it is better or, more often than not, easier to believe the doubts I hear rather than testing the doubts against the Word I remain where I have found my comfort. In myself, with myself, by my self. When I doubt I allow the benefit and destination God wants for me, to be stripped away. My doubts act as my own prison. Often the whisper of did God actually say? Or you are not good enough, or that I have been so evil in my past there is no way that God would use me. Every one of these thoughts has played its role in shaping the life I have come to live.
Five years ago, I was more in line with the occult than I was with Christ. I did not live a life of love and mercy for others. I took advantage where I saw opportunity. I was a drunk who cursed God before bed each night. I could believe that I am still that person today. If I listened to half of my thoughts, it is who I would easily become again. If I listened to lies.
Doubt is a lie of the truth. We are told the truth yet when we doubt, we overlook the truth and replace it with false narratives with the only purpose of confusing, hindering, or stopping you from realizing your truths. God wants us to want to rid ourselves of these lies. He invites us every day with the instructions to take our thoughts captive to resist the firey arrows of the enemy because He knows better than anything else, that the enemy is coming for us. I think for the artist it may even be a bit more of a push from the enemy to silence our callings.
Our gifts are supposed to be used to make the world a much more beautiful place than what we are currently in. I'm no tree hugging hippy but I like gardens. It's sad to me to look around at what was supposed to be paradise on earth and see instead, what we have. To look at the gift God gave us all and to see how far we have let it fall is discouraging. But what if it is our job to make it beautiful again?
What if that's God's plan for your own art? To make not just walls of an office or an apartment look pretty but to make the people that view your art feel prettier! To change the outsides appearance by beginning on the inside of the viewer. This change is vital and you're vital to it. Your voice, your talent, your love, is meant for others. Do not be selfish and steal away others' blessings because you doubted the truth. I can't let myself rob others because of my own doubts.
I have decided to continue fasting for the day. I don't think its wrong to prolong your fast. Im not even sure there is a true right way to fast as long as the guidelines layed out in the bible are followed. I dont even think that its a problem if you dont fully complete the intended fast. But for this one even though I thought it would be three days I feel I should give more to the Lord. These will all be things you need to pray about and decide with God for yourselves. He will provide the answers.
I think what is important is our desire to become humble. To realize that on our own our actions are fruitless. To admit to ourselves, our stomachs, and God that we agree with Him that He is King. That he knows best and that our wills, no matter how perfect you desire yours to be, will always fall short of his will.
It's here in the killing of our own pride and egos that we are able to find God. He tells us to knock and he will answer. To seek and we will find. He tells us to remember who He is and to listen for His voice. I believe that those words are meant for us just as much as the people that first heard them. Fasting is one of the best gifts we have been given. Serving as both a reminder of how weak we are without God and an opportunity to seek Him in a deeper manner. What isn't perfect about that gift other than not eating…
God, thank you for this opportunity to put your words and practices into play within my life. I ask you often for the ability to hear when you call to me, to see when you show me, and to somehow become closer to you. You have answered every prayer with something new. Each time I am amazed by what you decide for me. Both large and small revelations feel perfectly made for me. I thank you that you have such an understanding for who I am that you choose to speak in ways I will understand. God you have given me more life than I have ever felt I deserved and I thank you. God I know it is not just a desire for me to grow closer to you but for all your children to gather closer to you. I pray that throughout the next week you are able to show me how to better reach those that long for you as I do. Thank you God for fasting, for the reminders to reach out to you. Thank you for making my heart softer and more loving giving me an anticipation of more in my life rather than anxiety of less. God you are working a miracle throughout my life and I pray everyone is one day able to say the same thing about their lives. In Jesus name I pray that we all end up closer to you God. Amen.
5:00pm :
I think tonight, I will join my family for dinner. God would you like to join us?
This one isn't green.
As this comes to a close I can't help but feel calm and more at peace. I feel that God has opened my eyes and minds to the possibilities of more. Shifting my focus from what I once thought to be important to the things that He tells me are. My kids run around, the smell of tacos, the house we are in, the camera over on the counter, the life I am living are all gifts that I have failed to see as the blessings they truly are. Im grateful for this mini adventure. The understanding and the depth to which it has taken me will no doubt take some time and reflection to truly see. But for now I see a God that answered a man when he asked to see more.
8:03 pm :
Its almost the kids bed time and the blanky search is underway. The giant soft rectangular shapes almost always glued to their hands are now where to be seen. Strange how that works. There are many strange things in life and as my day ends and the house quiets I will be left with more time to think about this past week. What its fast provided. What was gained and what was put away through it. Ill be left thinking about how light I feel and how at peace my life actually is. Learning to put a new filter on my lenses to see a little less like I always have and a bit more like God would like me to. I feel good about completing this. It may not seem like a big deal to many who read this but for me it was a priceless lesson in the ways of the one that created this place. Ill think back to broccoli and appreciate it a bit differently from now on. Most of all I will hope to take with me the sense of proximity I feel to God. While I feel there is still so much to be experienced I am also left with the sincere understanding that this will become a part of my new thing. Maybe in time they will gain more structure, more length, maybe things other than food or food windows will be added to the list. I can not really say as to what they will look like but I can say that they are invitations I greatly look forward to. I feel a closeness I have not felt until now and a peace that is foreign yet familiar. I do not know why but I also feel as though this end is something to mourn. There is a sadness around its ending that I'm unsure what it means. I will undoubtedly pray on this.
I am unsure of who this is written for, God just told me to write and I chose to listen to the instruction. I do feel that He has a purpose for these words. If you read them I ask you to consider them. Consider your circumstances and your position with Christ. I hope that any of my struggles or questions open up the opportunity to hold conversations with your families, friends, and most importantly God. I hope you see an example of someone following where asked and actively waiting for the outcome to these prayers. I hope you see, on a small scale, a Christian man following his God into whatever new is there for him to find.
Was it difficult? Difficult wouldn't be the word I'd describe it as. This wasn't a no food for 3 days fast. It certainly wasn't a 40 days and 40 nights in the desert fast either. I think this was a wonderful fasting 101 experience. The exact thing I was setting out for and most importantly it was what God saw me completing. That is a successful fast in my opinion. So was it difficult? No, at times it was uncomfortable. It was strange to not eat in a house where little mouths are constantly eating. It was strange to tell my self no walking through the store or driving down the interstate. It was uncomfortable to take the displeasure and give it to God. But I'm so thankful I chose to. Each time another example of God showing up. Each a victory for the next time the enemy shows up to destroy my peace.
I think this is what the sadness I am feeling is. For some reason in my mind the completion of the fast means I must remove myself from where I have found such peace. For some reason my mind feels like it is saying goodbye to my friend after a summer camp. For some reason my mind wants me to feel as though this could not be its new normal. Yet I feel the Spirit saying it should be my new normal!
I don't have to remove myself from what God has given me. Who knew in just five years my heart would turn from wanting suicide, to being concerned that my mind will forget its place with God.